Question Mark

I did have the intentions of postiong several times in the past weeks, but, as you may have noticed, it didn't happen. Basically, everything has become a big question mark for me right now. The classes that I was supposed to be doing this semester have completely overwhelmed, and stressed me out. I got to the point where I was completely ignoring them, and any time I sat down to do something for the class, I would start crying. I just couldn't do it. I think I realized that these types of classes don't interest me, and most of all, are not the kinds of things that I am good at. I had no motivation to keep working hard and noticed that I was just doing what I had to, to get by. I don't want it to be that way. When I decided to go back to school, I wanted to find something that I really wanted to do, something that I wanted to learn about, something that motivated me and I would feel happy about doing for the rest of my life. I know, thats a tall order, but a girl can dream can't she? Well, I kinda fell back into the easy way - business. The class credits I had were all business related (or band, haha), so the easiest thing to do was finish a business degree and be done with it. I would only have a year left, didn't sound so bad. Til I started the classes, and realized I don't wanna do this - I don't want to put so much effort into getting a degree that will get me a job I don't want. I don't want to be in that business world. It has never sounded fun to me, and still doesn't it? I just hate dealing with mgmt, and mkting, and HR, and all the politics that go into it. Honestly, if thats what I have to do make a living, I'm just not interested. And, I know there is something else out there. I just have no idea what it is. I think right now, I am just so interested in so many things, I don't know what direction to go. I want to learn things, I like to learn things, I just want them to be interesting and not the same old BS that I see in business. Whenever I told people my major, they would ask, "What are you going to do with that?" And, I would think, hell if I know! I'm just getting a degree. It makes me feel stupid, that I made the same mistake twice. The first time I went to college, I was doing it because its what you do after high school. You go to college, get a degree, get married, get a job, have kids...you know, the usual. (Its taken me awhile to realize it doesn't work that way for me.) Well, I did it again, I decided to go back to school to "just get a degree, and be done with it." Not thinking about what would come afterwards, or if it was really what I wanted to do. So, I'm really trying to stop this time and think, really think, about all the options, even options that sound crazy to me. I am determined to not fall into the same trap as always. I also think I tend to be swayed by other people. I feel like I need to do things to make other people happy. I'm not blaming my parents here, but I know that my mom suggested things to me, and I probably put it in my head because it seemed like it would make her happy. It may seem stupid, but I think I must do it without knowing it. I don't like making decisions, especially big life-changing ones, so I guess I tend to look to others to make them for me, whether its what will make me happy or not. Even right now, I want to ask for ideas on what to do, knowing that I shouldn't because it needs to come from me. I just don't know where to start, and I know I have to do it.
So...long story short...I have dropped my classes, and I'm left with a million possibilities, and no idea of which one to take. I will have to start paying back the loan I had to take these classes soon, and I only have a part-time job. So, I guess its time to search the internet for ideas on careers and look for a job, huh? As everybody keeps telling me, my parents can't support me forever (darn...hehe). Really, is it this hard for everybody??