School's out!

First off, I almost forgot to mention some more good news. I took my last mulitvitamin last night. You may be thinking - ok, so what, go buy some more -why is this worthy of a post? Well, I have never actually finished an entire bottle of vitamins before. I always start off being really good, taking vitamins, then forget. But, this time I finished it all! Yay me!

More good news - Last night was my last business class!!!!!!!! That means I never have to see that dumbass teacher ever again. That also means I'm done with classes......for 4 days. Yeah, it kinda sucks. My next set of classes starts next Sunday, and they are both online. I took my online class (project management) final on Monday night, and I took 2 of the 3 1/2 hours available. It was definitely tough, and I kinda felt like I was being tested on my ability to search a book. But, I think I did alright - sucks cause I probably won't find out how I did for awhile. Last night in class, we had to give our group presentations. If you ask me, neither group did a good job. I think you could kinda tell that nobody put too much effort into it. We all just seemed very disorganized, which I guess will happen when you have 7 people in your group, and 2 of them never show up to the meetings. Anyways, we also had to do this discussion thing online - he asked us what was the most helpful part of the class, how it should be improved, and what we will take away from the class. Well, I obviously BSed my answers, because I didn't want my honest answers to affect my grade :) I really wanted to write honestly, but I figured it was best not to. Then, we had our exam, which I was the first to finish and had to contain myself from running out of there with the biggest smile on my face! Its over, its over! I got in the car and did a little dance, and yelled for joy a bit. It was a good feeling.

So, my next classes...as I said they start Sunday. One is quality management, and the other is Management. Unfortunately, I have taken the basic management class before, but it didn't transfer because I got a D. Yeah, I got a D, not proud of it. But, it was during one the worst semesters for me at college...and it involved a group project where they decided to never inform me about group meetings. Mostly my fault since I was never in class, but a little the group's fault. At first, I was taking this class at the center....until I saw who was teaching it. That's right - my favorite teacher of a certain business class I just got done doing a dance for because it was over. I saw that...did the whole, ah hell no thing....and asked my dean to switch it to online because of a "work conflict." I wanted to say, "there's no way in hell I'm taking another class with him" But, once again, I figured it was best not to. Back to the main subject here...the classes look pretty straightforward. One has the weekly quizzes, midterm and final. The other has the weeklys, 2 case studies, and a final. So, we'll see how 2 online classes at the same time go. I already have 2 classes scheduled for the next half of the semester, and they are both online too. One is a PM (Project Management) class, and the other an excel class. I have taken 2 excel classes before...and yet neither of them counted (strange, isn't it?) so, its possible I may take a third class that semester since that one should be really easy for me. I was looking at the classes I have left to take, and if I take a third one next session, then it will be 2 a session until March 1, 2009 when I will (hopefully) be done!

FINALLY

Alright, so I finally have a loss again! I've been looking at the same number for the past 3 weeks...and it was about time I saw a new one. I lost 1.8 and am now at 217.4!! That's a total of 18.2!! How exciting...now I know that I'm back on track, and that the exercise is helping. Also, last night, I decided to go through old jeans and seen what sizes I had. Right now I am wearing the lone size 20 pair of pants that I own. I'm getting kinda tired of them, and they are not as long as I would like - I like my jeans to drag the ground. So, I found 2 pairs of 18's, and figured I would see how far along I was. One pair is capris, and they actually fit! They are a little snug right where they button (its not really the waist, cause they are low-rise). But, by the time the weather warms up, they should be fine. The other pair of 18's don't fit yet...I guess I could have buttoned them if I didn't feel like breathing while wearing them. So, gotta lose some more so I can have a different pair of pants!

Well, that sucked!

So, tonight was the big game. And, its hard for me to say it, but we lost. I also hate to say it, but I would have put money on us losing. Just the fact of a #1 who's undefeated playing a #2 who has never been #1 before....its bound to happen. Not that I didn't have faith in Memphis, I totaly did. What's worse...we totally deserved to win that game...really, we did. This is not just a biased person talking here. We had some bad calls in the end it didn't work out in our favor...but the guys played so well...it just sucks!! thats all for now...just had to talk about how much that sucked!!!!!!!!

Better

Thanks to those who commented on my last post, I really appreciate it. Its always helpful to know that I have support out there. I am feeling better. I am tempted to blame it on the full moon. Its weird because I was pretty bad on Tuesday, and now I'm completely fine...I'm even humming while walking around. Really strange. I work for a psychologist and when I worked on Wednesday, it was kinda crazy. We had lots of new patients call in and one with a really weird story. Dr. Covey said it was the full moon, and that as crazy as it sounds, the number of psychotic breaks goes up around a full moon. (Something to remember...) But, I am feeling much better, thank goodness. I really think it helped to just get it out, to just put it out there, it made me feel less alone, I guess. I know that we all have days like that, and we all have felt like that at some point...but when you're there, it doesn't feel like it. I did miss my exercise on Monday and Tuesday due to being down...but I did both my cardio and strength on Wed, then did my strength last night. So, I'm back on track, due for cardio today. So, that makes me feel a little better. They say exercise is a natural antidepressant. (but who feels like exercising when you're depressed?)

So, my first set of classes is almost over (YAY!). I have one exam on Tuesday. Its' not open book. And, I also have a group presentation to give that day. As of right now, I have a 93 in there (this is the class with the midterm openbook messup, so part of the grade being lower is from that). My other class I have an open book exam to do some time next week. I think we get like 2 hours to do it. So, whenever I can clear out 2 hours that no one will bother me...thats when I'll take it. I have like 99.5 in that class, so I really want a good grade to keep it up there. Its gonna be a tough test, even though its open book, because its based on EVERY PIECE OF MATERIAL GIVEN TO US! Yes, that did deserve all caps :) So, I have already printed off all the lectures from each week, and have to make sure I have access to the E-book for each chapter. Ugh...I'm gonna need the 2 hours.

There's also this little game of no importance tomorrow night. Its only our #1 ranked Memphis against the #2 ranked Tennessee! Ack...how scary! Memphis is undefeated, and of course every time they play, I kinda hold my breath hoping this isn't the time they lose...and now its their biggest game!! I'm already holding my breath. Everyone around here is talking about, its all over the news. Emily and Greg are actually going to the game, which is gonna be insane. Tickets to that game are selling for thousands of dollars, can you believe that? Isanity.... I am planning on going to BWW's with a group to watch the game. We're probably going to have to get there a few hours early to get a table...geez, the pressure. And, I'm not even playing in the game! I love college basketball, but man does it kill me with stress!

Frown

So, I haven't written much lately. To be honest, I haven't done much lately. Its been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything. Most people who know me, know that I have dealt with depression in the past. I don't really think I can say in the past...I think it will always be a constant struggle for me. I'm not sure what has triggered this lately, but I've been a little down this week. I know that part of my problem is negative thinking, it always has been. But, when you are an analytical, logical thinker, it can sometimes be hard to be positive. In my head, everything has to make sense - everything has to have a reason. I know that this has caused my depression in the past. I've never had any real boyfriends and I always blamed that on the fact that I was fat. Or at least fatter than the average in my age group. Well, one summer I lost about 30 pounds. I had always wanted to do that, go away for the summer, lose weight, come back to school, have everyone see how wonderful I looked, and my life would change. Ha...well, that partly happened. I lost weight, I came back, everyone thought I looked great - but nothing changed. My life was still the same. So, my mind went into panic. If the weight wasn't causing all of my troubles, what was? There has to be a reason - a logical reason. Well, it must be me. So, then it just went downhill. Well, whats wrong with me then?- and my head came up with everything. So you can see I have many issues.
So, I think I will always have those issues in the back of my head. But, I have learned to deal with them to the best that I can. Every now and then, like this week, it just gets too much. My main issue lately is boredom. And I don't think that describes it well to other people. I'm bored with my life...I feel like I'm not living. I feel like I need to do something, stop wasting my time. I've been cautious all my life, afraid of everything. Well, this has made me miss out on so much. Its almost like now, I'm so used to doing that, I don't know how to change. I don't know what to do to start living. This also leads to my sleeping issues, since I don't want to miss out anything. I know this is a lot of deep, personal information. But, it really feels better to let it out. I'm normally such a closed, guarded person (again with the cautiousness), it feels good to be open. So, sorry if this is more than you bargained for - you don't have to read it if you don't want to. :/

SparkPeople

This week I went from having about 15 minutes of exercise in February to 135 minutes! Yay for me! I went to SparkPeople and started my fitness plan. It has got to be the coolest website ever and its completely FREE!! I still don't understand how they provide all the info that they do for free, but I am NOT complaining. I think its fabulous and if you haven't checked it out you should do so. Caroline mentioned it a long time ago, and I finally took the time to check it out. I did strength training on Thursday and Saturday. I rode the recumbent bike for 25 minutes on Friday, and went bike riding with Melanie for about 20 minutes before we got rained on on Saturday. I did eat out at Red Robin this week and ate the whole burger again. I felt completely stuffed and completely guilty that I did it too. But, I was still within my points. I still don't feel good about it though. I really hope I have a loss this week. After maintaining last week, I just really need something. But, SparkPeople has been good motivation for me this week. Hopefully it continues.





I unfortunately have to go to a group meeting for my business class today. I am REALLY not looking forward to it. None of us are motivated to do this project and I have somehow turned into the leader. Mainly because nobody else was doing anything, and someone had to start inputting ideas. So, hopefully it will not take us very long, and end up ruining the rest of my day.





I went to B-dubs (aka Buffalo Wild Wings) last night for the Memphis game. And, no I didn't eat anything. The game was WAY too close. But, as my dad says they need close games like that if they are going to survive in the tournament.

I decided to do a little comparison for my own motivation. The picture on the left was taken today, and although it isn't the most flattering outfit, if you compare it to the picture on the right from DisneyWorld - it is much better. Notice the shirt is not pulled across my stomach anymore. :)

V-day

Alas, it is Valentine's Day yet again. I think this is the first year that I haven't been working somewhere or in class somewhere surrounded by other people getting gifts and all that crap. I have to say, its really nice. I think this is the best V-day I've ever had, and thats saying a lot. I would say its normally my worst day of the year, although that might be my birthday. (I tend to be really depressed on my birthday for some reason) I'm not a fan of V-day, although I'm sure if I had someone else to share it with, I would love it (as long as it was special). Which is the point I guess. I don't really like days where things are expected to be better than most days, because I'm normally let down by them.

So, food...this week has not started off well. I haven't eaten bad or anything...its just the way I'm feeling. I need to re-motivate myself. Thats not an easy thing to do. I am not easily motivated. Sometimes I just get in that zone, where I can think of all the stuff that motivated me just last week, and I just think....I don't care. I was in a really bad mood Tuesday. I had class that night, that I hate going to. I had some work for it that I really should have done...but I was sitting there and just thought, I don't care, I really don't. I even tried to say to myself, what if you mess something up and you fail the class - nope, didn't motivate me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to fail the class, I want an A. But, it didn't seem to help motivate me. I ended up going to class, and I felt better after class - I guess it wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my head. But, there's still this lingering mood I can't seem to sway. Ugh.

Well, happy v-day....(she says with a smug smile)

Last week

I was not good this week at all. And, I wouldn't say I paid for it, but I definitely didn't gain...well, didn't gain anything good, you know what I mean. I did not gain weight this week, but I didn't lose either. But, since I ate out 3 times, yes THREE times, I'm totally fine with that. I was also sick this weekend...again. I had some kind of stomach bug, every time I moved, it felt like my insides were sloshing around, and about to come right on up. Sorry, gross, I know. So, I hardly ate anything yesterday, but it didn't seem to matter for weigh-in. I'm feeling a little better today, but it comes back every now and then. Not much else to say...maybe more later.

Mish-Mash

I think its kinda funny...before I started this blog, my reason for not wanting to start a blog was that I didn't have anything to say. Well, I think its really the opposite. I think I have too much to say and its just too much of a pain to organize it into a blog.

Anyways...my dad had cataract surgery yesterday and is back at work today...amazing. He may not even have to wear glasses now, which is weird since he's been wearing glasses since he was in 7th grade. My mom was talking about how she would have to get used to him without glasses. They don't want to decided anything for sure for a month or two. Apparently, his eyes will work it out on their own. But, he has 20/20 vision in his left eye now, so thats great.

Hmm..on the food front, it feels like I've eaten a lot this week. I'm still within my points, but I've gone out twice. Ate at Red Robin Monday night and ate the whole damn thing...man was it good. I guess I just don't normally use all of my flex points, so it feels like so much more this week. So, I guess I should do some exercise so I don't gain this week.

What else...oh, we had major storms in the area this week. I'm sure you have heard about the tornadoes. Luckily, they just missed Collierville. We joke that we are in a little bubble for weather. It's always all around us. But, my dad was right near one of the tornadoes. His job is closer to Memphis and Southaven, and the storm was much worse there. They had windows blown out at his building, and the building across the street from him was damaged pretty bad, apparently someone died there. So, thankfully, my dad got lucky and was not in the direct path of the tornado. It was crazy watching it on TV. Of course, I was at home by myself. I'm not known for doing well during storms when I'm by myself. But, I did pretty well. One of the channels was basically taping a tornado live, it was crazy. I was just watching with my mouth open...you could see the lights popping on the ground. Overall...our immediate area was fortunately bypassed. (Also, it was on the night of my business class...so I didn't have to go..hehe)

Lets see...politics. I have become much more interested in politics this year. I guess because Bush is doing such a horrible job. I could go on and on, and maybe in another post. But, I've been looking at quotes lately. If you don't know, I'm a quote freak. I have a little notebook full of quotes. I found some good ones about politics. Here's some I found...and as you can see I'm obviously on the democrat side.
"A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time." - Alfred E. Wiggan
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them." - Mark Twain
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." - Douglas Adams

Super Bowl

Well, I wasn't planning on anything big for the Super Bowl. Quite frankly, I didn't care about it, and kinda forgot about it. Then, Emily and Greg decided to have some people over. Of course, I had not worked this into my plan for the day or week. Thankfully I had only used 8 points, so I had 21 points left - I really didn't keep track of my flex pts for the week, so I didn't want to rely on those, plus I had to weigh today. Well, when I got over there...I walked in with the pizza delivery guy. Uh-oh. Well...the food choices were pizza, chips, brownies, cupcakes, popcorn...the usual good stuff. I also knew I would be drinking beer...so...anyways, I was really proud of myself. I had one piece of pizza...thats right, one piece of pizza. It was heavenly, and I could have eaten the entire pizza and been happy even with the stomachache. I haven't had pizza since I started WW, and I had been thinking about it recently. But, I enjoyed my piece, had a small brownie for my sweet tooth. (I have come to learn I need to chocolate after eating, which is fine, I just have to keep it to one thing.) I had several beers, but they were lite. And, I had about 3 doritos, just 3. I stayed out of the kitchen unless getting a drink. Overall, I was proud of myself. However, I was scared this morning for the weigh-in because I had beer, and I was just worried it would add weight today. But...I lost 1.6!! So, that puts me at 16.4 and at 219.2! Woohoo! I do lose a point this week, but I can handle it. So...here starts another week! Maybe I will actually get some exercise this week.

Grateful!

So, let me start by saying, Zach is back!! Yes, he found his way back home. My dad went to go get the paper this morning and Zach was just sitting in front of the door outside in sun. Yesterday was a horrible day, and I could go on and on about the thoughts that I had yesterday and how I cried all day. But, instead I am just going to say I am so thankful he is back and safe and move on and leave yesterday in the past. Zoey is not over it yet...she hisses at Zach every time he walks by. I don't know if she doesn't know who he is or if she's just mad at him. She is definitely the alpha cat...it is kindof interesting to watch their interaction now that he is back. But, this all has really made me think of how fortunate I have been. I have fortunately never had to deal with an unexpected loss of anyone close to me. The only pets I have lost - one was a hamster, the other a dog that was much older and was an outside dog. I've cried over these things, but never been devastated (thankfully). I have been so blessed in my life with the best family ever that supports me in anything I do. I have great friends, not many, but great friends. I have never wanted for anything. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely things that I want in life, that have not happened yet. But, I have been to the point where I've let that get me down - and I've realized that I'm happy with where I am in life. And if those things come, they come. Its taken me a long time to get to that point. And, believe me I have felt the exact opposite before. But, I am so grateful for the things I have, and so grateful that Zach is back and safe. But...he better have had fun, because hes never going to get to do it again!

Missing Cat

Zach has apparently decided to run away. I have been looking for him for several hours now with no luck. He does like to hide and is normally somewhere else - hes not as much a people person as Zoey. But, I've always been able to find him before. And, he didn't come when I put out more food. Zoey got outside once before and I freaked out. She was hiding in the bushes just waiting for one of us to come find her. Zach, who is the epitome of a scaredy cat, must be scared to death if he is outside. I don't know where he go, the only thing I can think is he got scared by something, ran somewhere, and now is lost. Worse...I don't know when he went missing. I slept ALL morning and I saw him last night, but he wasn't upstairs with me last night. So, he could have gotten out when we let Orion out - meaning he was out all night. And, it was freezing last night. God, I hope he hasn't been out that long. There is a message being sent out to everyone in the neighborhood, so maybe someone will have found him.