Withdrawal

This weekend was a little rough for me. Starting Friday afternoon, I was feeling bad. I have this dizzy thing that happens to me every now and then and it started again on Friday. Normally, I will have it starting late afternoon and then its gone in the morning. This time it lasted until Sunday night (when I figured out what it was). I would love to explain it to you, but...I'll do my best. It is kindof a dizziness, but not like a normal dizziness. And, nothing I did or didn't do made it worse or better. Didn't matter if I was sitting, laying, standing...these waves of dizziness rush around my eyes. Well, we were trying to figure it out all day yesterday. We came up with several options - low blood pressure (we took mine several times and it was like 95/65 or 105/67 each time, which is low for me. I normally average 120/80 when I'm at the doctor.), hormonal imbalance, vertigo, inner or middle ear infection, or even sinus congestion. But, I had taken claritin d and tylenol and didn't feel any congestion, so I didn't think it was that. When I still felt the dizziness Saturday morning, I was irritated - it was usually gone by morning. Then I laid around all day Saturday, and it never went away. I went out with friends for a birthday and still felt it all night. Then it was still there on Sunday, and I was really pissed. I was crying on Saturday, cause I didn't know how to stop it. Its not like a normal sick feeling, where if you lay down, you feel ok. No, all I had to do was move my eyes and I would feel it...and sometimes I didn't have to move at all. Well...my mom and I had come to the conclusion it must be low blood pressure, when my dad asked if that was a side effect of the effexor. I thought, no, actually high blood pressure is a side effect. And then I remembered, damn, I forgot to take my effexor last night, and I had already forgotten it the last couple of nights. So, that got me thinking - I went online and googled something about effexor withdrawal and one of the first pages was talking about "brain shivers." The more I read, it was spot on to what I was feeling. For those of you that don't know, effexor is a medication for anxiety/depression and I've been on it for several years. There are horror stories out there about coming off of it. I promise, just google it and you will find plenty. I was reading these stories and I started crying, not sure why, it just started. I realized I was going through withdrawal from effexor. I was emotional, crying at the drop of a hat, those damn "brain shivers," my stomach was upset, I felt fluish - all cold and sweaty at the same time. It took several hours after I took an effexor, but it started going away. The dizziness went away, but I still felt weird. Its finally gone - thank God. Its really scary to think I have to come off of it eventually. People talk about having to take weeks off of work when they go off of it, because of how bad it is. SCARY! Not looking forward to going off of it for real...and I won't be missing any doses again!!

Question Mark

I did have the intentions of postiong several times in the past weeks, but, as you may have noticed, it didn't happen. Basically, everything has become a big question mark for me right now. The classes that I was supposed to be doing this semester have completely overwhelmed, and stressed me out. I got to the point where I was completely ignoring them, and any time I sat down to do something for the class, I would start crying. I just couldn't do it. I think I realized that these types of classes don't interest me, and most of all, are not the kinds of things that I am good at. I had no motivation to keep working hard and noticed that I was just doing what I had to, to get by. I don't want it to be that way. When I decided to go back to school, I wanted to find something that I really wanted to do, something that I wanted to learn about, something that motivated me and I would feel happy about doing for the rest of my life. I know, thats a tall order, but a girl can dream can't she? Well, I kinda fell back into the easy way - business. The class credits I had were all business related (or band, haha), so the easiest thing to do was finish a business degree and be done with it. I would only have a year left, didn't sound so bad. Til I started the classes, and realized I don't wanna do this - I don't want to put so much effort into getting a degree that will get me a job I don't want. I don't want to be in that business world. It has never sounded fun to me, and still doesn't it? I just hate dealing with mgmt, and mkting, and HR, and all the politics that go into it. Honestly, if thats what I have to do make a living, I'm just not interested. And, I know there is something else out there. I just have no idea what it is. I think right now, I am just so interested in so many things, I don't know what direction to go. I want to learn things, I like to learn things, I just want them to be interesting and not the same old BS that I see in business. Whenever I told people my major, they would ask, "What are you going to do with that?" And, I would think, hell if I know! I'm just getting a degree. It makes me feel stupid, that I made the same mistake twice. The first time I went to college, I was doing it because its what you do after high school. You go to college, get a degree, get married, get a job, have kids...you know, the usual. (Its taken me awhile to realize it doesn't work that way for me.) Well, I did it again, I decided to go back to school to "just get a degree, and be done with it." Not thinking about what would come afterwards, or if it was really what I wanted to do. So, I'm really trying to stop this time and think, really think, about all the options, even options that sound crazy to me. I am determined to not fall into the same trap as always. I also think I tend to be swayed by other people. I feel like I need to do things to make other people happy. I'm not blaming my parents here, but I know that my mom suggested things to me, and I probably put it in my head because it seemed like it would make her happy. It may seem stupid, but I think I must do it without knowing it. I don't like making decisions, especially big life-changing ones, so I guess I tend to look to others to make them for me, whether its what will make me happy or not. Even right now, I want to ask for ideas on what to do, knowing that I shouldn't because it needs to come from me. I just don't know where to start, and I know I have to do it.
So...long story short...I have dropped my classes, and I'm left with a million possibilities, and no idea of which one to take. I will have to start paying back the loan I had to take these classes soon, and I only have a part-time job. So, I guess its time to search the internet for ideas on careers and look for a job, huh? As everybody keeps telling me, my parents can't support me forever (darn...hehe). Really, is it this hard for everybody??

Cruisin

Alright so I'm back. And, I think I'm back down to what I weighed when I left. I know I gained 7 lbs from the cruise along with the mom and dad. And haven't been eating that great since we got back. Not really on purpose or anything...mostly its hard to stop eating good food when you didn't have to care about it for a week (even though I said I was going to care about it). That, and I got back and immediately started classes that are completely overwhelming me. I'm already putting stuff off, which is not a good sign. I spent so much time on just one of the class last week, trying to understand it. One class has a 15 page paper due at the end of the session which terrifies me. I have trouble writing 5 page papers, so this is not going to be fun. I also have a 3 page paper due this week for that same class. It took me 4 hours at work last week to read one chapter in my cost mgmt class and this week I have 3 chapters to read. Every time I open up my classes, I get this horrible feeling in my stomach and I quickly turn to something else. I just feel really stupid in these classes for some reason. I don't know if my brain is still muddled from the cruise or what, but I really feel stupid. Anyways...I'm not going to harp on that right now. Let me tell you about my cruise. :)


First of all, I will post some pictures later, but for those of you on facebook, I have them posted there already. The rest of you will have to wait til I get home to my computer.


So, we got up (extremely) early on Sunday to fly to Puerto Rico. I can't say much about PR, because we flew in, drove to the ship, got on, and thats it. We talked about getting back off the ship, but it never happened. Guess we were excited. The one thing about PR is, there are highrises everywhere. I mean, its weird - highrise apts everywhere you turn. For some reason, I just found it odd. And, they all look the same, its strange. And for one more...its eerie...haha!


So, the first night we ate in the other dining room and the service was horrible, but the food was good. Started my first of 7 nights of the warm chocolate melting cake. (See why I gained 7 lbs?).


We left PR at 10 pm which was different as I'm used to sailing away in the afternoon.

First day was St. Thomas.We didn't have anything planned there, so we just got off the ship to shop. For some reason I don't know, going to this port allows you to bring more liquor back per person, so this was a big liquor place. We picked up some booz for Mat, and a shot glass for me. We were on our way to ride the Skyride tram thing up to the mountain, when a lady stopped us and told us we shouldn't because its $20 to go up and see whats right in front of us. For $5 more she would take us on tour around the island. So, after collecting some other people, we said, why not? We went to some vista type spots and it was pretty nice. Back on the ship to get ready for dinner. We were hoping for a private table (at least I was, not a people person myself). Well, we didn't get it. We were at a table for 8, with 2 pairs of ladies. We had an uncomfortable start to the week, that I'll tell you about if you really wanna know - and really only talked to one pair the whole week. The other pair didn't seem to want to talk, nor did one want any pictures of herself. Anyways, food for the week was good, especially the aforementioned (ooh, big word) melting cake, that I did have, yes, every night.

Second day was Dominica, which is my second favorite island. My dad and I went tubing and got much more. We ended up with a whole island tour, and it was a small group, so that made it much better. We didn't go with Carnival and had 7 people, while one of the girl's friends went with Carnival and had like 40, I think. Quite the difference, plus ours was cheaper. Dominica is beautiful - its rainforest, and mountains and just beautiful. We went to this fruit stand, called "Its Nice to be Nice", I've heard it called Mr. Nice's fruit stand. Its free (although you can give tips) for all this really fresh fruit. We had pineapple, banana, mango, coconut, and this fantastic coconut candy that you ate with a roasted cocoa bean - omg, it was fantastic. And the atmostphere was great, because you could tell they just wanted you to feel welcome. The people were all really friendly - really all the islands were that way, but especially here.
The tubing was great, relaxing and fun. We stopped to swim in a spot on the river, jumped in, then continued. We got some rum punch (of course), and then even though they offered to take us to the beach, we all decided it had been a long enough day, so we went back to the ship.

Next - Barbados - It rained most of the day here, or at least misted you know. This island is so flat, compared to the others. We didn't really go on the island here, my dad and I kayaked in the ocean, then swam with the sea turtles which was cool. I'm an idiot though and it took me like 20 minutes to figure out how to use the snorkel thing. I've never snorkeled before and my dad said he could show me. Apparently I wasn't putting the whole thing in my mouth (how was I supposed to know?) I kept getting water in my mouth and then I didn't have my goggles pressed down hard enough cause I kept getting water up my nose. But once I got it figured out, it was pretty fun - although it sounded like I was breathing so hard underwater. Guess I finally did it right? I did get a cool souvenir here from this cool pottery shop. I kinda wish I had gotten a different one, but its ok, I like the one I got too.

Next, St. Lucia. This was my favorite island - very close with Dominica. We went on Cosol's tour and wound up somehow in the party bus. First of all, he gives you food and DRINKS all day, so it doesn't take much. My mom didn't feel well and didn't go with us, and its probably a good thing as she would've hated the group we went with. You know that guy that everybody knows on a cruise ship or anywhere that is? He was sitting right next to me. I remembered him from earlier in the cruise yelling from one of the top decks down to another. And, on the other side of me was a guy he had randomly met who was equally as loud. Near the end of the trip I heard nothing but them. It was mostly fun though. We had the best spread for breakfast - all kinds of food. Coconut cake, fishcakes, johnny cakes (like a not sweet doughnut), flying fish, pineapple, something called a wax apple, and a guinup?(can't find this one), bananas, banana ketchup, and some other stuff I don't remember. They started serving the rum punch, which was strong, and the beer. Actually we got beer earlier - like 11 on the side of the road. This food spread was at someone's house, I believe. This lady made all the food, it was great. Then we went to the stinky "drive-in" volcano. Could've passed on that one. Then to the Pitons, where we swam between the two at the Jalousie Hilton Hotel, where I would go back anytime. It was like heaven there, wonderful. We had some cookies and some homebaked bread and cheese along the way. We also had what they called "island viagra" - it was 160 proof alcohol with a whole bunch of spices and finally - a dead centipede. Of course he told us this after we had it, and it really wasn't that bad, but it did feel warm all the way down, I gotta say. We finally got back to the ship, I think my mom thought we weren't ever coming back - I would have stayed, no problem with me. It does suck because both my favorite islands, I don't have any souvenirs from :)~


Next was Antigua, and we had no plans here either. We went shopping there, but thats it. Don't have much to say about it, but it was really pretty leaving there, and me my Dad found several spots that we could build a house!


Last island was St. Kitts. We had a tour planned with Thenford Grey here. It was a nice tour, but went a little longer than we thought and you could tell everybody was tired from the trip. Several people fell asleep along the tour, and I probably could have slept no problem. We went to Brimstone Hill Fortress where the views were gorgeous. Went to Romney Hill Manor where they make Batik, and walked through the gardens there. Then we went to the other side of the island which is really dry comparatively to Raggae Beach Bar and Grill where we ate and finally went back to the ship. It is important to note that there were 3 Clemson flags there in the bar - so that was awesome.


At night on the cruise, we started the first night going to the comedian - he was pretty funny. The next night there was a show, and then the comedian was supposed to be again at midnight (for a racier set). Well, we went to the show, and I kept thinking how I could be sleeping instead. It was a horrible show, and loud. So, we left halfway through and went to bed..haha. We did end going to the piano bar with Laurie for the last half of the cruise and really enjoyed that. But, mostly I just wanted to go to sleep at night, cause it was a really tiring cruise. Overall it was beautiful islands and tiring trip. But, I wanna go on another one asap.

More later...

10%

I hit my 10% yesterday!!!!!! I am so proud of myself, because I have never reached my 10% in WW before - I always quit before I get there. As my mom keeps saying, I'm not giving up this time. Even if it takes me forever, I'm not going to have to start over from way up there again. So, I am at 210.8, so close to the 100's....I won't know what to do with myself then. I am .2 away from 25 lbs. (And my mom is like .4 away from her 10% and just hit her 25 lb mark at WW) So, we are both getting back on target. Just in time for us to go on a cruise...haha. Figures. So, my dog had his sutures out today, and is doing fine from the surgery. But, now he's sick from something. He's thrown up the last 3 mornings, so we've gotten instructions from the vet on what to do. See, if we can get him illness free here soon. Not much to say today...just got back from the tanning bed, so I can be tan on the cruise....and I burnt my bum....:( It hurts!

Hello

OK, people...here's a quick update.
1. I'm going on a cruise in 16 days!! Yippee! I'm ready to go now! I have a two week break from school, so me and my parents are going to the southern Caribbean for a week. We go out of San Juan, Puerto Rico to St. Thomas, Dominica, Barbados, St. Lucia, Antigua, and St. Kitts. Its a port every day so it will be packed. When we make a final decision on excursion I will post them.

2. I'm doing alright weight-wise. I wouldn't say fantastic, but alright. It's going down, but VERY slowly. However, I'm not too upset by this. I feel I'm really eating better and not eating as much. They say its better if it comes off slow, and it couldn't come off slower. I've also had this jinx lately. I weight pretty much every morning cause I just can't help it. It will show me down every day and then the day I weigh in, I'm up 3 pounds. Now, it normally doesn't show at WW, just leaves the same, or down like . something. But, its really frustrating. I am .4 away from my 10% and last week, I weighed the same. I told her, all I needed was .4! I mean, seriously, I could've peed and lost .4! Anyways, thats been my story lately.

3. I have exams this next week, and I'm so ready to be done for awhile. These classes weren't bad and right now I have a 99 and a 98, so I'm not too worried. Don't know what I'm taking next time yet.

4. My doggie had surgery this past week. He has these cysts that pop up all over. Well, this one under his arm was HUGE. And, it was getting bigger, and he was really uncomfortable, so the vet said we needed to take it offf. She said it was attached to the muscle and there were actuall 2 other cysts right next to it that they took off as well. But...I have never seen my dog look so pathetic. The first day he was back, I just watched him most of the day. He was so out of it, and couldn't even lay down. I had to lay him down. Now, he's better - but you can tell he's still bothered by it. He will be fine and then he will get up and run around and lay back down. We don't know what's bothering him, but I think it may be itching and he doesn't know how to fix it. Poor thing!

5.Hmm...anything else? Sorry, I haven't been reading blogs lately. I have to catch up, so thats why I haven't commented anywhere lately. Sorry, I'm lazy!

Crazy

I'm supposed to be doing school work right now and I'm actually at work, so I guess I really should be doing work...so, naturally I figure its the perfect time to write in my blog! This week we made it to WW! Yay for us - I consider that a Huge victory as now would've been the easiest time to quit. In fact, its where I've always quit in the past. That first bump that comes along emotionally and makes it easy to stop tracking your food. Its REALLY easy to just stop. But, we have not stopped, we have started again - and I lost .6! So, yay again! I didn't come back from several weeks off to a gain, and that makes me very happy! Hopefully next week will be the same, although I doubt it as this week has already seen some slips. But, I still wake up every morning starting with my points again so I consider that an NSV.
I am currently avoiding my schoolwork as I have a small paper to do, several posts to make, an excel lab to finish, and a quiz to take. I am the master of avoiding and waiting til the last second. But, in my defense, I really do better when I HAVE to do something. And, right now, I really don't HAVE to do it, I still have time...haha, I know my mom is shaking her head while reading this. Since, she is the one who has to deal with me stressed when I start to write the paper and I'm yelling and/or crying at how I don't want to do it. SORRY MOM! This is just my process. I wait until I don't have any more time to do it, I know I have to do it now or it won't get finished, I complain all the way through it, and when I'm done I get an A! (or hopefully) I did get an A on my paper from last week, not just an A but a 100! Yay - my main goal of perfection was succeeded! Although in the back of my head I know it really wasn't perfect and I didn't deserve it (HAHA...I am so messed up!!) Don't worry, this is me in a fairly positive attitude ( I know, its deceiving). Its good because I'm completely aware of my negative thinking and I'm laughing it off. See, this is past therapy in the works here people. This is progress, I promise. I know I'm sounding a little wacky right now - guess cause I'm kindof in a good mood, although I'm not sure where it came from.
Maybe its because Whitney won America's Next Top Model!! I know most of you probably don't watch this reality stuff, but I'm a reality junkie and watch most every show I can! And, I'm gonna talk about it whether you wanna read it or not! Ha! So, Whitney was the "full figured model" this year - translation, she was a normal sized 8 or something like that as opposed to the 2 or 0 they usually are. She was Gorgeous and is probably one of my favorites of all time and she actually WON! That never happens, the one I want to win never wins! I was so excited last night...I'm still really excited! It almost makes up for Survivor ending the way it did...but it doesn't cause I was completely pissed that Parvati won that. But, I'm so happy about Whitney winning, I don't care about Parvati anymore (almost). Alright, now that I'm through with my reality show rant, I will try and get some work of some kind done. Work is really the best place for me to get schoolwork done as there are no other distractions (almost). So, I will try and get something done in the last hour here.

Better!

Ok, so I'm sorry. I know I said back on 4/15 that I would be writing more. Now its 5/8...sorry. Its still been really difficult lately with whats going on. My brother and sister-in-law are getting a divorce. I haven't like I could talk about it and I still can't really talk about it. But, at least you know whats been bothering me. My mom and I have fallen off the wagon. I don't know if I'd say fallen off completely, but we fell and are hanging on with one hand being dragged along. (Don't you love my metaphors..haha) This week I finally feel like I grabbed a hold with my other hand and I am slowly pulling myself back up. I know I said I was doing better last post, but I didn't stay that way. But, I think I ate such bad food lately, that I don't even want it anymore.
Last time I posted, I had gone to WW and lost .6 (amazingly enough). Then the next week, I gained .8 - which wasn't too bad considering how bad I was eating. The next Monday, neither me nor my mom felt like going to WI so we didn't (way to help each other out, I know). Then we were out of town this past Monday, on our way back from Ohio, so we didn't go again. We have decided to just skip this week and start anew next Monday. We both started counting our points again on Tuesday. Its been awhile since I did that and actually wrote them down, so I'm feeling much better about it all. I weighed this morning and it actually showed me down. We shall see come Monday what the results are. Hopefully I won't be back up any and I don't have to lose some weight all over again. Its amazing that I've eaten as badly as I have this past couple months and every time I weigh its about the same. I think I fluctuated between 214 and 217. Not too bad for what I was eating. It makes me feel better about after I lose the weight. It might not be too hard to maintain. Obviously I won't be able to eat as much as I have recently, but as long as I watch it, I should be good.
I haven been really bad about reading other blogs too. I guess it made me feel a little guilty about not writing in mine - so I have to catch up on those. I guess I didn't really want to hear about other people losing weight while I was struggling so much.
I was also at the end of a session in school and I didn't like one of my classes at all. I had principles of mgmt and quality mgmt. TQM was ok and I did fairly well on the quizzes midterm. But, MGMT was not so much - I had weekly quizzes in both. TQM had 10 multiple choice questions - and I usually got 10/10. MGMT had 15 and I always got a 12/15. Every time - it was ridiculous. No matter how much time I spent on it or what method I used - I always missed some. It was so frustrating. Needless to say I was not looking forward to the Final. I had the finals 2 weeks ago. TQM went as expected - I got a 97 on the exam with a 97 in the class....WOOHOO, third "A" thank you very much! MGMT was horrible. I felt horrible about it. I wanted to just go through and pick answers and be done with it. But, I didn't - I finished the exam and then wanted a bottle of wine. :) So, I had to wait a week and a half to see the grade. Wanna know what I got? Think you can guess? ..........93. Yup, thats right, I passed. Not only did I pass, I got an "A". My overall grade was a 93 as well. So, 4 A's to start off with, pretty good, eh?
My new classes started last week and I'll get into that more another time. Like I said, we went to OH this weekend for my niece's baptism. She turned 1 on the 28th. And, all I have to say is it was perfect timing. I really needed a break - and it never fails that seeing Katie and Ty seem to change my mood. Ever since I got home I've been much more productive and just more willing to do something other than play computer games. I hope it lasts for awhile. I wish they lived closer so anytimer I had a bad day I could go over and play with Katie and Ty. They really are just the sweetest kids ever. She just smiles all the time and shes in that stage where shes trying to make the noise that you make. I sneezed a couple times - and right after that, she made this loud noise trying to copy me. I sneezed after we got home and it made me smile cause I thought of her. I already can't wait to see her again and hold her! Hopefully soon! So, I think thats enough for now. Now you all know I'm not dead - sorry Caroline. I really should have called you or something, but I had just kinda collapsed into myself, and didn't want to deal with other people. Thanks for your concern!

I'm back...

Ok, so I know its been like 2 years since I posted. But, frankly I didn't feel like it. There's been a lot going on for me and my family the past 2 weeks, and I can't really write about it on here. And, since I couldn't write about that, and that was pretty much all I was thinkin about...I just didn't. Now, I've gotten to the point that its buried down deep enough, I can think about other things. I know, healthy, isn't it? Anyways...the last couple weeks have horrible food-wise, and school-wise because of all this.
Let's catch up on food first. I don't remember when I wrote last...and don't feel like checking. I skipped a week at WI - I had started to lose sight of the goal, and fall of the wagon...whatever else you want to call it. And that was before all this started. Then, this happened, and I just didn't care, really. I ate badly, what I've been wanting to eat for a long time. Some days weren't so bad - I wasn't counting points, but I wasn't going overboard. So, here's my last couple weeks of WI.
3/24 - skipped (probably would have gained)
3/31 - +.4 - not too bad for a bad week - and this was the start of our family issue
4/7 - -.6 - amazingly enough I ate badly, but started to do better the last couple days, so I lost a little
4/14 - -.6 - I even ate Pizza this past week. I just really wanted it, so Mel and I went to Cici's and I ate pizza and loved it, and only felt a little guilty about it. My mom is pissed that I ate pizza and lost weight, and she didn't get to eat pizza and gained weight. So, starting yesterday, I'm back to counting my points, and writing it down. Maybe, that's what my body needed to get off its plateau. So, I am at 213.2, total loss of 22.4. I'm with Caroline in that, I want to be away from this number. I seem to be stuck at the 214 range. So, maybe starting over again will help in that aspect. We shall see next week.
So, on the school front. I found it really hard to think about school the past 2 weeks. I also am not a huge fan of these classes. Its all concept, and there's nothing but reading. It sucks, and I feel like I'm learning nothing. But, I managed to finish everything due at the last minutes - and this is the last week of class. I have one mini-quiz, and final for MGMT, and the final for Quality MGMT. I have a couple posts left other than that. So, I have this week, next week for the finals, and then my classes start the next week. Kinda sucks, there's no break. But, the classes go by really quickly.
I stubbed my toe again and I could post another picture that looks almost exactly the same as before. I swear one day my toe is just gonna fall off, I've banged it up so many times.
I went to apply for my passport today. We are going on a trip during my summer break, and we may go to Alaska. I know what you're thinking - Alaska is in the US, stupid. But, the cruise touches Canada, so we will technically have been out of the country. And, as of this summer, they are requiring passports if you visit Canada by sea. I need to get one anyway, since we are planning on going to Europe for my graduation next year. We are looking at these Viking River Cruises which sound awesome, and I wish we could go right now.
Anyways, I can't think of anything else at the moment. I WILL post again soon. Hopefully this will calm my fans for awhile. :)

Why I shouldn't be allowed to use tools

So, I went to Habitat for Humanity today with my dad to work on a house. We worked on one back in the fall, and didn't get to finish for one reason or another. So, they just started the spring build and were able to go today. It obviously requires the use of tools, and I'm fine with that. My dad is very patient with me, and helps me figure out what I'm doing, and finishes it when I can't do it. I'm not very strong, and my muscles get tired very easily. Here is a good example of why I shouldn't be left alone with tools.
We spent our whole day putting in nailers. For those of you, like me, who have no idea what that means, I shall explain. We put 2x4's on some of the framework, sticking out over the ledges, so that they had something to nail the sheetrock to. They don't actually nail it, they screw it, but as the green hat(leader guy) said, "We don't call them screwers." Haha, I thought that was funny, but anyways. So, we were often hammering the nails in in funny positions. We would be on a ladder, in between 2 joists, with our arms wrapped around one of the joists - so that we could reach the nailer we were nailing in. Well, My dad was off cutting a new piece, and I was finishing nailing one in. I wasn't at a good angle, and had gotten a nail bent (that happened a lot) so I tried to fix it. The nail was right in front of my face, and I decided to use the claw side of the hammer to pull it back straight. Normally this would be fine, except for the fact that I was directly in front of the hammer. So, when it didn't move the naile at all, the hammer had no where to go but my nose. That's right, I hit myself in the face with a hammer. I'm pretty glad that I was by myself and up high where no one could see me. It hurt (needless to say), and it pushed some tears out. I was understandably shaken, and kept checking to make sure there was no blood. I mean, how am I supposed to know its broken? The only way I know is, it normally bleeds right? (That's what happens on TV!) It didn't bleed, so I figured it was alright. I didn't tell my dad til we left, and it really had stopped hurting. But now, the pain is coming back. I don't think I hurt anything - its just bruised. So, now I make sure my face is out of the way, whenever swinging the hammer. (You'd think I would've already been doing that.)

22 pairs of jeans

Yup...thats right. I own 22 pairs of jeans. Seems a little much doesn't it? Well, only one pair really fits right now. I have 2 pairs of 22's, one pair of 20's (which I'm wearing practically every day) 5 0r 6 18's, and like 30 16's and 14's. Yeah, I know I only have 22, so I can't have 30 - but you get the point. I went through some clothes last night, so that I wouldn't miss a chance to wear something. I still have a whole closet to go through. I have a lot of clothes. And, as you can see, they are in such a vast range of sizes, I couldn't possibly wear them all. In fact, I think a good bit of them were either worn once or not at all, because I gained weight.

Not much else to say, but here's a picture from last weekend's trip - Fun times!

Basketball!!

So, I went to Little Rock this weekend to watch the Memphis Tigers play! It was lots of fun but really bad for my weight watchers. I knew it was gonna be a hard weekend, and had kinda come to that realization. What really got me down was how disappointed I was in the food I ate. Let me take you through my weekend. We left here about 11:00 and I ate something before we left to help out my hunger in the future. Then we stopped at a gas station and I got some chips, which weren't great - but are there really good options at a gas station? Then, when we got to Little Rock, we went to Chili's. I wasn't incredibly hungry and was trying not to eat bad, since it was kinda a lunch/dinner and knew I would be eating again later. So, I got the turkey combo thinking it wouldn't be much food. Well, it was a lot more food than I thought. But, I didn't eat many fries - just stuck with the sandwich and salad. We went to downtown Little Rock Saturday night - wow was it exciting. By the way, I'm saying that sarcastically. We ended up having a lot of fun, but there wasn't much there. We went to a Pizzeria, because our options were limited. My mom and I have been talking about how much we've missed pizza - so here was my chance. I split a pizza with Ashley and ended up ordering the worst possible kind of pizza for me. By that I mean - it was a horrible pizza. I felt gipped and like I wasted points on this horrible thing. But, I was hungry and knew I would be drinking so I had to eat something. We had ordered a Chicago style pizza and I didn't know that meant an inside out pizza with the most tomato sauce in the world ever on one pizza. And most people know I hate tomato sauce. So, needless to say, I was not happy. We then went to a dueling piano bar and had a blast! It was so much fun, and we stayed til they were done, didn't get back to the hotel til 2. Then, I had some chips and a candy bar because the drinks gave me the munchies. (Horrible, I know) Then, everybody wanted to get up and go to Cracker Barrel the next morning. So, I had to get up at 8:30, and of course I slept horribly. I don't really like Cracker Barrel and I know there isn't much good to eat there. I ended up getting the small order of the biscuits and gravy. Quite honestly, there gravy does not compare to my mom's. Even my mom's sausage gravy-diet style is better than theirs. And, I really didn't like the biscuits. So, once again gipped and wasted points. Then we headed over to the hotel that the players were staying at. Emily and Ashley are HUGE Tigers fans and Emily is pretty close to being a stalker to Joey Dorsey. So, we had to stand around and wait for them to come out. One player came down for a second, then one of Greg's friends that works with the team came down and said they wouldn't be coming down until halftime of the Texas/Miami game. So...we just went on to the Arena. The Texas/Miami game was horribly boring - plus I was so tired, it was hard to stay awake. We went to get something to eat and we all know what great options arenas have as far as food goes. So, I got some chicken tenders and fries. The fries were soggy and the chicken was too crispy. Yup, you guessed it - once again gipped. So, the game was great, but way too close, but we pulled it out because we're awesome! Then, we decided to stop and get supper right outside Little Rock. We stopped at a Burger King. We were waiting in line and there were 3 people working. One in the kitchen, one at the drive-thru and one at the counter. She kept apologizing, saying they weren't normally this busy on a Sunday night (but you could have thought about the big group of people in town for the games) and then we heard one of the girls say "Are we out of hamburger meat?" So, we decided to drive a little further. We stopped another 20 minutes out in Lonoke, AR at a Sonic. We hit the button to order, and 5 minutes later were still waiting. We asked the lady next to us if she had ordered and she said she had her food but had been waiting 15 minutes for marinara sauce. First of all - is marinara sauce that important?? Second of all, I would have already been out of the car getting someone's attention, but anyways. So, we hit the button again, and they finally took our order. After about 25 minutes of sitting there all together, we get our food and we were missing a corn dog. We waited another 5 for that and said - screw it...and left. So, apparently, Arkansas people are not used to people actually using their fast food restaurants. We had lots of fun joking around about that. Foodwise - I ordered a burger, and the bread was kinda soggy. I'm not sure how that happened, but oh well. All weekend, I ate bad, and it didn't even taste good. That's not even fair. If I'm gonna waste points, I at least want it to taste good. I had a lot of fun though. I just need to do really well this week to make up for it. I didn't go to WI yesterday because I was so exhausted. I also didn't really want to see the scale. So, I may go tomorrow or I may use my pass this week and just go the meeting. We shall see.

And, by the way I was extremely disappointed in my other Tigers for not even making it past the first round. They COULD have gone far if they had tried. So, thanks for messing up my bracket since I had faith put you going much further than you did. Sigh...(shaking head)

Brackets and burgers

Thank goodness for a loss this week! I lost .8 and I could not be happier. All week my scale has been showing me up, so I was expecting a gain. And, the thing is I wasn't bad this week. I ate out Monday night, used my flex points. Then ate good the rest of the week. I did have trouble using all my points everyday. But, when I snacked, I ate well. So - anyways, I'm just happy there was no gain. I would have been happy maintaining!

So, on to basketball. My (Clemson) Tigers did really well, although I was really rooting for them in the championship game. Man, that would have been the best feeling ever if they beat UNC. You have no idea how much I hate UNC - like with a passion! I'm just hoping that they lose early in the bracket this year, although I doubt that will happen. So, I have to fill out my brackets. This year I am doing several different ones just for fun. Our family always does brackets online that Mat sets up for us. There are 5 slots - My, my mom, my dad, Mat, and then Mat forces Melanie to do one. Last year, she based her picks off which mascot she liked best. Obviously, she's not that into basketball. This year, she joked about doing it based on who has the most vowels in their name. So, I am doing one thats completely fun - maybe based off colors or something, haven't decided yet. I just finished one doing mostly upsets - it has Pitt winning, which isn't too impossible. Then I will do one for real with a mix of what I think and some hope splashed in. It will be interesting to see how close they each come.

Back to food - I said before that I used my flex points last Monday. Well, we normally go out to dinner on Sunday as a family. Last night, Mat and Melanie chose Red Robin. Although it isn't impossible to eat there on lower points - its really close. Plus, what I normally get is so damn good, its really hard to think of not getting it. I looked at some other options before we went, and came up with squat. So, my mom and I split the Whiskey River BBQ burger and fries. The website showed that as 19 points and wouldn't you have it - I had 19 points left. So, I got my half burger and 5 steak fries - finished in like 10 minutes - and then sat there like, "where's the rest?" I did get a couple more fries later on - but I still just felt gipped. (sp?) But I was proud of myself for not just getting the entire burger - just throwing my hands up and saying "oh well" which is what I felt like doing. Plus, I felt perfectly fine when I got home as opposed to feeling like I might throw up because I forced myself to finish the fantastic burger that was in front of me. So, hopefully I get some more exercise in this week, now that I am not sick anymore - and hopefully I get my schoolwork done ! :/

Slim Feet

I don't know if you remember my fat feet - but my mom was apparently right. I did gain weight in my feet. And, I have now lost weight in my feet. Again - not the first place I wanted to lose weight. I put on those same shoes this morning, and they fit, no problem. Although, I have realized that they're just really uncomfortable shoes, but what're you gonna do?

And, I don't remember if I mentioned but I got A's in both my classes! Yippee!

Its HOT!!

Ok...so, remember a couple days ago when it was snowing? Remember that - 30 degrees, even 40?


Yeah, well, forget it! Its 75 degrees! It's hot! I mean, when I said as long as we get one snowfall, it can get warmer. But, I meant gradually....geez!

Woo-hoo!

Alright, so this week was a much MUCH better week than last. That gain really hit me hard and really upset me. I was so proud of myself that I hadn't gained yet, it was just a big disappointment. So...drumroll please.....I lost 4.2 lbs!! Now 1.6 of that was from my gain last week, but still its a really good loss! I am at 214.8 and 20.8 total! Its really exciting to pass that 20 lb mark. And just 4 more til I get my 10 %. I'm also feeling much better...still have the sniffles a little. But, I have much more energy. So, I should be able to get some exercise in this week. I also wore a pair of 18 jeans yesterday. I kinda felt like I was walking around with pasted on jeans...although my mom said they looked much better than the 20's. I think I may stick with the 20's for a little longer. The 18's are also much lighter jeans than I'm used to wearing, so I didn't really like that either. (Funny that they used to be my favorite pair of jeans.) I dried my 20's last night, and they fit much better for now. Well, I really need to get some school work done...boo!

Ohio and Snow!!

So, we went to Ohio last weekend to visit the cutest niece and nephew in the world. I held Katie as much as possible, fed her, changed her diaper, whatever got me more time with her. And, I got asked to put Ty to bed (by Ty) for the first time. Yay...I felt special! Here's a picture of me with Ty and Katie...one of many trying to get everyone looking at the camera. Also a rare picture of my hair straight!Also, we saw snow up there...but of course we brought the warm weather up with us. Then we came home, had several days of 60 degree weather...then it snowed yesterday...only to have it all melt away this morning.

Here I am...happy as a kid in.....snow!! It was beautiful snow!
I love this picture because it looks like cake fondant spread across the ground with a hole cut in it for the pond. You can barely see where the porch is. So we had our one snow for the year...I'm happy.

um...yeah

Alright, I'm not saying much about certain things today, maybe later. I gained 1.6 this week, which really sucks, and I don't even want to talk about it. What's wrong is I weighed the night before weigh-in and it said 216 and the next morning it said 220.5. Keep in mind, the scale at home is 2 lbs heavier than at WW. So, I gained 4 lbs overnight.
I also am getting sick, which seems to be the inevitable after visiting Ty and Katie. How parents aren't sick all the time is beyond me. So, I didn't feel good from that yesterday, and I also started my period yesterday. I know, TMI, but I just had to show the awful day I had. I felt horrible, with cramps, and my ears hurting, and I was upset about WI. So...push all that deep down inside...

What I really want to talk about is the presidential race. I am a Clinton supporter, but overall a democrat supporter. If McCain becomes president, I may just cry. I will also be completely flabbergasted that this country is really ok with things the way they are, or that they think McCain is actually going to change anything. Anyways...I find the latest primaries to be very interesting. So, Obama was on his run...thinking he had this in the bag. But, not so fast buddy...it seems that the country got a little tired of only hearing how wonderful he was going to be as president, instead of hearing how he might actually change things. I'm not against Obama in the least, I think either Democrat will do a good job. However, I had gotten really annoyed with Obama lately. It was like he thought he had won, and all he had to do now was to do victory speeches across the country. I have also been annoyed with how the Press has made it seem like Obama has smashed Clinton into the ground...like hes running away with the race. The democratic nomination race could not be closer to 50-50. She is only 100 delegates behind him. Even when one wins a primary, they're still splitting th delegates. As far as I'm concerned neither one should be calling victory until they stomp McCain into the ground. Anyways, I just hope that this changes Obama's strategy, cause I sure was getting tired of hearing how he is going to change the world, without actually hearing how he is going to change the world.

School's out!

First off, I almost forgot to mention some more good news. I took my last mulitvitamin last night. You may be thinking - ok, so what, go buy some more -why is this worthy of a post? Well, I have never actually finished an entire bottle of vitamins before. I always start off being really good, taking vitamins, then forget. But, this time I finished it all! Yay me!

More good news - Last night was my last business class!!!!!!!! That means I never have to see that dumbass teacher ever again. That also means I'm done with classes......for 4 days. Yeah, it kinda sucks. My next set of classes starts next Sunday, and they are both online. I took my online class (project management) final on Monday night, and I took 2 of the 3 1/2 hours available. It was definitely tough, and I kinda felt like I was being tested on my ability to search a book. But, I think I did alright - sucks cause I probably won't find out how I did for awhile. Last night in class, we had to give our group presentations. If you ask me, neither group did a good job. I think you could kinda tell that nobody put too much effort into it. We all just seemed very disorganized, which I guess will happen when you have 7 people in your group, and 2 of them never show up to the meetings. Anyways, we also had to do this discussion thing online - he asked us what was the most helpful part of the class, how it should be improved, and what we will take away from the class. Well, I obviously BSed my answers, because I didn't want my honest answers to affect my grade :) I really wanted to write honestly, but I figured it was best not to. Then, we had our exam, which I was the first to finish and had to contain myself from running out of there with the biggest smile on my face! Its over, its over! I got in the car and did a little dance, and yelled for joy a bit. It was a good feeling.

So, my next classes...as I said they start Sunday. One is quality management, and the other is Management. Unfortunately, I have taken the basic management class before, but it didn't transfer because I got a D. Yeah, I got a D, not proud of it. But, it was during one the worst semesters for me at college...and it involved a group project where they decided to never inform me about group meetings. Mostly my fault since I was never in class, but a little the group's fault. At first, I was taking this class at the center....until I saw who was teaching it. That's right - my favorite teacher of a certain business class I just got done doing a dance for because it was over. I saw that...did the whole, ah hell no thing....and asked my dean to switch it to online because of a "work conflict." I wanted to say, "there's no way in hell I'm taking another class with him" But, once again, I figured it was best not to. Back to the main subject here...the classes look pretty straightforward. One has the weekly quizzes, midterm and final. The other has the weeklys, 2 case studies, and a final. So, we'll see how 2 online classes at the same time go. I already have 2 classes scheduled for the next half of the semester, and they are both online too. One is a PM (Project Management) class, and the other an excel class. I have taken 2 excel classes before...and yet neither of them counted (strange, isn't it?) so, its possible I may take a third class that semester since that one should be really easy for me. I was looking at the classes I have left to take, and if I take a third one next session, then it will be 2 a session until March 1, 2009 when I will (hopefully) be done!

FINALLY

Alright, so I finally have a loss again! I've been looking at the same number for the past 3 weeks...and it was about time I saw a new one. I lost 1.8 and am now at 217.4!! That's a total of 18.2!! How exciting...now I know that I'm back on track, and that the exercise is helping. Also, last night, I decided to go through old jeans and seen what sizes I had. Right now I am wearing the lone size 20 pair of pants that I own. I'm getting kinda tired of them, and they are not as long as I would like - I like my jeans to drag the ground. So, I found 2 pairs of 18's, and figured I would see how far along I was. One pair is capris, and they actually fit! They are a little snug right where they button (its not really the waist, cause they are low-rise). But, by the time the weather warms up, they should be fine. The other pair of 18's don't fit yet...I guess I could have buttoned them if I didn't feel like breathing while wearing them. So, gotta lose some more so I can have a different pair of pants!

Well, that sucked!

So, tonight was the big game. And, its hard for me to say it, but we lost. I also hate to say it, but I would have put money on us losing. Just the fact of a #1 who's undefeated playing a #2 who has never been #1 before....its bound to happen. Not that I didn't have faith in Memphis, I totaly did. What's worse...we totally deserved to win that game...really, we did. This is not just a biased person talking here. We had some bad calls in the end it didn't work out in our favor...but the guys played so well...it just sucks!! thats all for now...just had to talk about how much that sucked!!!!!!!!

Better

Thanks to those who commented on my last post, I really appreciate it. Its always helpful to know that I have support out there. I am feeling better. I am tempted to blame it on the full moon. Its weird because I was pretty bad on Tuesday, and now I'm completely fine...I'm even humming while walking around. Really strange. I work for a psychologist and when I worked on Wednesday, it was kinda crazy. We had lots of new patients call in and one with a really weird story. Dr. Covey said it was the full moon, and that as crazy as it sounds, the number of psychotic breaks goes up around a full moon. (Something to remember...) But, I am feeling much better, thank goodness. I really think it helped to just get it out, to just put it out there, it made me feel less alone, I guess. I know that we all have days like that, and we all have felt like that at some point...but when you're there, it doesn't feel like it. I did miss my exercise on Monday and Tuesday due to being down...but I did both my cardio and strength on Wed, then did my strength last night. So, I'm back on track, due for cardio today. So, that makes me feel a little better. They say exercise is a natural antidepressant. (but who feels like exercising when you're depressed?)

So, my first set of classes is almost over (YAY!). I have one exam on Tuesday. Its' not open book. And, I also have a group presentation to give that day. As of right now, I have a 93 in there (this is the class with the midterm openbook messup, so part of the grade being lower is from that). My other class I have an open book exam to do some time next week. I think we get like 2 hours to do it. So, whenever I can clear out 2 hours that no one will bother me...thats when I'll take it. I have like 99.5 in that class, so I really want a good grade to keep it up there. Its gonna be a tough test, even though its open book, because its based on EVERY PIECE OF MATERIAL GIVEN TO US! Yes, that did deserve all caps :) So, I have already printed off all the lectures from each week, and have to make sure I have access to the E-book for each chapter. Ugh...I'm gonna need the 2 hours.

There's also this little game of no importance tomorrow night. Its only our #1 ranked Memphis against the #2 ranked Tennessee! Ack...how scary! Memphis is undefeated, and of course every time they play, I kinda hold my breath hoping this isn't the time they lose...and now its their biggest game!! I'm already holding my breath. Everyone around here is talking about, its all over the news. Emily and Greg are actually going to the game, which is gonna be insane. Tickets to that game are selling for thousands of dollars, can you believe that? Isanity.... I am planning on going to BWW's with a group to watch the game. We're probably going to have to get there a few hours early to get a table...geez, the pressure. And, I'm not even playing in the game! I love college basketball, but man does it kill me with stress!

Frown

So, I haven't written much lately. To be honest, I haven't done much lately. Its been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything. Most people who know me, know that I have dealt with depression in the past. I don't really think I can say in the past...I think it will always be a constant struggle for me. I'm not sure what has triggered this lately, but I've been a little down this week. I know that part of my problem is negative thinking, it always has been. But, when you are an analytical, logical thinker, it can sometimes be hard to be positive. In my head, everything has to make sense - everything has to have a reason. I know that this has caused my depression in the past. I've never had any real boyfriends and I always blamed that on the fact that I was fat. Or at least fatter than the average in my age group. Well, one summer I lost about 30 pounds. I had always wanted to do that, go away for the summer, lose weight, come back to school, have everyone see how wonderful I looked, and my life would change. Ha...well, that partly happened. I lost weight, I came back, everyone thought I looked great - but nothing changed. My life was still the same. So, my mind went into panic. If the weight wasn't causing all of my troubles, what was? There has to be a reason - a logical reason. Well, it must be me. So, then it just went downhill. Well, whats wrong with me then?- and my head came up with everything. So you can see I have many issues.
So, I think I will always have those issues in the back of my head. But, I have learned to deal with them to the best that I can. Every now and then, like this week, it just gets too much. My main issue lately is boredom. And I don't think that describes it well to other people. I'm bored with my life...I feel like I'm not living. I feel like I need to do something, stop wasting my time. I've been cautious all my life, afraid of everything. Well, this has made me miss out on so much. Its almost like now, I'm so used to doing that, I don't know how to change. I don't know what to do to start living. This also leads to my sleeping issues, since I don't want to miss out anything. I know this is a lot of deep, personal information. But, it really feels better to let it out. I'm normally such a closed, guarded person (again with the cautiousness), it feels good to be open. So, sorry if this is more than you bargained for - you don't have to read it if you don't want to. :/

SparkPeople

This week I went from having about 15 minutes of exercise in February to 135 minutes! Yay for me! I went to SparkPeople and started my fitness plan. It has got to be the coolest website ever and its completely FREE!! I still don't understand how they provide all the info that they do for free, but I am NOT complaining. I think its fabulous and if you haven't checked it out you should do so. Caroline mentioned it a long time ago, and I finally took the time to check it out. I did strength training on Thursday and Saturday. I rode the recumbent bike for 25 minutes on Friday, and went bike riding with Melanie for about 20 minutes before we got rained on on Saturday. I did eat out at Red Robin this week and ate the whole burger again. I felt completely stuffed and completely guilty that I did it too. But, I was still within my points. I still don't feel good about it though. I really hope I have a loss this week. After maintaining last week, I just really need something. But, SparkPeople has been good motivation for me this week. Hopefully it continues.





I unfortunately have to go to a group meeting for my business class today. I am REALLY not looking forward to it. None of us are motivated to do this project and I have somehow turned into the leader. Mainly because nobody else was doing anything, and someone had to start inputting ideas. So, hopefully it will not take us very long, and end up ruining the rest of my day.





I went to B-dubs (aka Buffalo Wild Wings) last night for the Memphis game. And, no I didn't eat anything. The game was WAY too close. But, as my dad says they need close games like that if they are going to survive in the tournament.

I decided to do a little comparison for my own motivation. The picture on the left was taken today, and although it isn't the most flattering outfit, if you compare it to the picture on the right from DisneyWorld - it is much better. Notice the shirt is not pulled across my stomach anymore. :)

V-day

Alas, it is Valentine's Day yet again. I think this is the first year that I haven't been working somewhere or in class somewhere surrounded by other people getting gifts and all that crap. I have to say, its really nice. I think this is the best V-day I've ever had, and thats saying a lot. I would say its normally my worst day of the year, although that might be my birthday. (I tend to be really depressed on my birthday for some reason) I'm not a fan of V-day, although I'm sure if I had someone else to share it with, I would love it (as long as it was special). Which is the point I guess. I don't really like days where things are expected to be better than most days, because I'm normally let down by them.

So, food...this week has not started off well. I haven't eaten bad or anything...its just the way I'm feeling. I need to re-motivate myself. Thats not an easy thing to do. I am not easily motivated. Sometimes I just get in that zone, where I can think of all the stuff that motivated me just last week, and I just think....I don't care. I was in a really bad mood Tuesday. I had class that night, that I hate going to. I had some work for it that I really should have done...but I was sitting there and just thought, I don't care, I really don't. I even tried to say to myself, what if you mess something up and you fail the class - nope, didn't motivate me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to fail the class, I want an A. But, it didn't seem to help motivate me. I ended up going to class, and I felt better after class - I guess it wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my head. But, there's still this lingering mood I can't seem to sway. Ugh.

Well, happy v-day....(she says with a smug smile)

Last week

I was not good this week at all. And, I wouldn't say I paid for it, but I definitely didn't gain...well, didn't gain anything good, you know what I mean. I did not gain weight this week, but I didn't lose either. But, since I ate out 3 times, yes THREE times, I'm totally fine with that. I was also sick this weekend...again. I had some kind of stomach bug, every time I moved, it felt like my insides were sloshing around, and about to come right on up. Sorry, gross, I know. So, I hardly ate anything yesterday, but it didn't seem to matter for weigh-in. I'm feeling a little better today, but it comes back every now and then. Not much else to say...maybe more later.

Mish-Mash

I think its kinda funny...before I started this blog, my reason for not wanting to start a blog was that I didn't have anything to say. Well, I think its really the opposite. I think I have too much to say and its just too much of a pain to organize it into a blog.

Anyways...my dad had cataract surgery yesterday and is back at work today...amazing. He may not even have to wear glasses now, which is weird since he's been wearing glasses since he was in 7th grade. My mom was talking about how she would have to get used to him without glasses. They don't want to decided anything for sure for a month or two. Apparently, his eyes will work it out on their own. But, he has 20/20 vision in his left eye now, so thats great.

Hmm..on the food front, it feels like I've eaten a lot this week. I'm still within my points, but I've gone out twice. Ate at Red Robin Monday night and ate the whole damn thing...man was it good. I guess I just don't normally use all of my flex points, so it feels like so much more this week. So, I guess I should do some exercise so I don't gain this week.

What else...oh, we had major storms in the area this week. I'm sure you have heard about the tornadoes. Luckily, they just missed Collierville. We joke that we are in a little bubble for weather. It's always all around us. But, my dad was right near one of the tornadoes. His job is closer to Memphis and Southaven, and the storm was much worse there. They had windows blown out at his building, and the building across the street from him was damaged pretty bad, apparently someone died there. So, thankfully, my dad got lucky and was not in the direct path of the tornado. It was crazy watching it on TV. Of course, I was at home by myself. I'm not known for doing well during storms when I'm by myself. But, I did pretty well. One of the channels was basically taping a tornado live, it was crazy. I was just watching with my mouth open...you could see the lights popping on the ground. Overall...our immediate area was fortunately bypassed. (Also, it was on the night of my business class...so I didn't have to go..hehe)

Lets see...politics. I have become much more interested in politics this year. I guess because Bush is doing such a horrible job. I could go on and on, and maybe in another post. But, I've been looking at quotes lately. If you don't know, I'm a quote freak. I have a little notebook full of quotes. I found some good ones about politics. Here's some I found...and as you can see I'm obviously on the democrat side.
"A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time." - Alfred E. Wiggan
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them." - Mark Twain
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." - Douglas Adams

Super Bowl

Well, I wasn't planning on anything big for the Super Bowl. Quite frankly, I didn't care about it, and kinda forgot about it. Then, Emily and Greg decided to have some people over. Of course, I had not worked this into my plan for the day or week. Thankfully I had only used 8 points, so I had 21 points left - I really didn't keep track of my flex pts for the week, so I didn't want to rely on those, plus I had to weigh today. Well, when I got over there...I walked in with the pizza delivery guy. Uh-oh. Well...the food choices were pizza, chips, brownies, cupcakes, popcorn...the usual good stuff. I also knew I would be drinking beer...so...anyways, I was really proud of myself. I had one piece of pizza...thats right, one piece of pizza. It was heavenly, and I could have eaten the entire pizza and been happy even with the stomachache. I haven't had pizza since I started WW, and I had been thinking about it recently. But, I enjoyed my piece, had a small brownie for my sweet tooth. (I have come to learn I need to chocolate after eating, which is fine, I just have to keep it to one thing.) I had several beers, but they were lite. And, I had about 3 doritos, just 3. I stayed out of the kitchen unless getting a drink. Overall, I was proud of myself. However, I was scared this morning for the weigh-in because I had beer, and I was just worried it would add weight today. But...I lost 1.6!! So, that puts me at 16.4 and at 219.2! Woohoo! I do lose a point this week, but I can handle it. So...here starts another week! Maybe I will actually get some exercise this week.

Grateful!

So, let me start by saying, Zach is back!! Yes, he found his way back home. My dad went to go get the paper this morning and Zach was just sitting in front of the door outside in sun. Yesterday was a horrible day, and I could go on and on about the thoughts that I had yesterday and how I cried all day. But, instead I am just going to say I am so thankful he is back and safe and move on and leave yesterday in the past. Zoey is not over it yet...she hisses at Zach every time he walks by. I don't know if she doesn't know who he is or if she's just mad at him. She is definitely the alpha cat...it is kindof interesting to watch their interaction now that he is back. But, this all has really made me think of how fortunate I have been. I have fortunately never had to deal with an unexpected loss of anyone close to me. The only pets I have lost - one was a hamster, the other a dog that was much older and was an outside dog. I've cried over these things, but never been devastated (thankfully). I have been so blessed in my life with the best family ever that supports me in anything I do. I have great friends, not many, but great friends. I have never wanted for anything. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely things that I want in life, that have not happened yet. But, I have been to the point where I've let that get me down - and I've realized that I'm happy with where I am in life. And if those things come, they come. Its taken me a long time to get to that point. And, believe me I have felt the exact opposite before. But, I am so grateful for the things I have, and so grateful that Zach is back and safe. But...he better have had fun, because hes never going to get to do it again!

Missing Cat

Zach has apparently decided to run away. I have been looking for him for several hours now with no luck. He does like to hide and is normally somewhere else - hes not as much a people person as Zoey. But, I've always been able to find him before. And, he didn't come when I put out more food. Zoey got outside once before and I freaked out. She was hiding in the bushes just waiting for one of us to come find her. Zach, who is the epitome of a scaredy cat, must be scared to death if he is outside. I don't know where he go, the only thing I can think is he got scared by something, ran somewhere, and now is lost. Worse...I don't know when he went missing. I slept ALL morning and I saw him last night, but he wasn't upstairs with me last night. So, he could have gotten out when we let Orion out - meaning he was out all night. And, it was freezing last night. God, I hope he hasn't been out that long. There is a message being sent out to everyone in the neighborhood, so maybe someone will have found him.

Bad Night

I'm a pretty quiet person most of the time. I'm a listener...I would say. That is, unless 1)you get to know me, and then I talk your ear off if you'll let me. or 2)you piss me off and/or make me look stupid. I'm very analytical, so I tend to think a lot, therefore what I have come up with must be right because I have thought about it so logically. (aka - I'm a gold, for any of you KKP people who remember the color test we did) Well, let me show you an example of how I can get when you piss me off and/or make me look stupid. Tonight I had my business class, we had a case study (5 page SWOT analysis on a company) due, as well as our midterm, oh and he said last week - "if you'll also go on Toys R Us website and get a couple strengths and weaknesses" - I swear, this is word for word what I remember. And remember I'm a listener, hint, hint. So, needless to say it was a busy week for me. That was just what I had to do for this class, not including work for my other class which is always a lot. On top of all this, I get the flu or something like it this weekend, leaving me down for the count. I finally came up for air on Sunday, and of course I had done nothing for my business class. I did a little bit towards my case study, then slept some more. Monday comes along, and I finally get to work on it. Well, I finished it - all is well in that area. However, I realize - oh yeah, I have a damn midterm. So, I go online to the class hub, to this weeks section, to the icon for midterm. I figured it would have info on it, maybe a study guide, who knows. Well, its the actual midterm - like I could have started it right then if I wanted to. Underneath the "Begin Midterm" button - it says "This is an open book, open notes exam." YIPPEE, I thought. One less thing for me to worry about. I organized my notes, printed off some things I thought would be helpful and I was ready to take the test whenever he wanted us to. Then, I went to Toys r Us and wrote down a few strengths, etc. I figured we would discuss them in class. So, on to class I go. First thing he says - lets take up your homework. First of all, I had put my case study in the online dropbox, which was fine. Then I thought, what else do we have to turn in. He says the Toy r Us swot analysis. I asked, "We had to turn that in?" He says of course. So, I'm pissed, sitting there fuming, but I'm letting it slide. I figure its a small part of the grade, I'll turn something in tonight when I get home. Then he starts talking about the midterm and I ask - "This is open book right?" Well, he sorta laughs and I'm like - I was serious buddy. Then we all point out the online midterm. He says - oh that comes from the department, I'll have to talk to them later. I'm like, so thats it...I'm screwed, cause I didn't have time to study. So, I said some more things to him - probably all of which were said in a bad tone. I can't really control myself when I get that way. I start shaking, I'm near tears, and of course anything they say from then on is wrong, because remember - they pissed me off. So, he keeps saying, while looking at other classmates - "why would I have given you a study guide if it were open book? That would be stupid." (I'm sure he didn't say stupid, but for my sake...) I'm like ok - now you're making me feel stupid, it was like he was making fun of me right in front of my face. Well, it went on from there, I brought up more about the toys r us thing - he asked "Was anybody confused about that?" And, nobody - seriously, I was the only one who didn't understand it wasn't supposed to be turned in. UGH!!! So, I left the room, cried in the bathroom, came back and started taking the midterm. I had it all set in my mind that I would leave right after the midterm, probably go talk to someone in the office and hopefully get him in trouble and get out of the class. Well, I was done with the midterm in 15 minutes, and just couldn't bring myself to pick up all my books and walk out. So, I stuck it out...pissed the whole time. Of course I kept sniffing from my cold - I'm sure everyone thought I was crying. Ugh...and remember this is all worse than I have made it seem here, ok. Well, it sure seems that way. I do realize that the way I acted was overdramatic, but like I said I can't help it. Plus, I'm PMSing, so we all know the emotions go crazy then. But, I'm still pissed, and I wish this guy would organize himself better with the online part. My other class is completely online so I get used to using the online hub. I don't even think he looks at the hub, yet we are supposed to do stuff on it, and at the same time, only listen to what he says.
Sorry, maybe my next post won't be me bitching about something. Here's hoping!

Quickie

OK, so I don't have much time to write. I have a lot of school work to do and its very frustrating since I'm not at all motivated to do this particular work. But, a quick update...I lost 2.2 this week!! Yay, exciting! I am at 14.8....almost 15 and almost in the 210's!! yay, its definitely been awhile since I've been there. I cannot wait to be under 200...that will just be wow! But, I have been sick all weekend. I spent more hours asleep Saturday then awake. And, of course, this happens when I have a lot of work to do. I still feel like crap, but not near as bad as this weekend. Hopefully another night of good sleep will make it almost gone. Alright, well, on to coming with strengths and weaknesses for IP and putting that in APA format....boo!

Annoyed

***WARNING - Bitching ahead!***

I am so incredibly annoyed right now. First of all, I'm tired. I finally started taking my melatonin again last night, and slept great. However, it was not long enough to make up for my horrible sleeping the last few weeks. I had to be at work at 7. Its frickin freezing outside. I'm actually sick of it. I love the cold, but if its not gonna snow, I'm done with it. I've been cold all morning. I want to walk around with a blanket covering me. Next, I have a lot of school work to do. And, of course, I've been putting it off. So, that is sitting it the back of my head yelling at me. Then, I have to call insurance companies for my job and I hate it. Insurance companies are so complicated and my employer is anal about making sure we get the persons name and we answer every possible question. Well, most ins. cos make it a little easier by making it available online or having an automated system, however when you're employer wants every question answered, you can't get them all answered off those. So, you have to talk to someone, which if anyone has ever tried to call insurance or a credit card co, you know thats next to impossible. Thankfully, the ones we use most are pretty easy. However, today I had to call United Healthcare and I HATE calling them. You call this one #, they ask if you are a health care professional, and we are, so you say yes, and it takes you through to a person eventually. When I ask them for mental health benefits, they say, sure, let me transfer you to this #. Where do they send me? Back to the same damn # I called in the first place. And they ask me if I'm a health care professional again! So, one day I tried it and said no...it worked! So, I tried that today, and what happened - after being transfered to that # again once, they said they needed to transfer to another #. I told the lady that the other lady transferred me to you! UGH!!! I finally got someone that could help me, but it is so annoying. Then, right after that, I get a call from my boss (the doctor's wife handles his insurance and billing - and she is pretty much the boss) saying that she forgot to add something to the day sheet. One of the patients coming today and they haven't been in since October, and she wants her to resign some of the paperwork. I just dont get that...do signatures go bad after a few months?? I mean, why? I really don't understand, she signed it once...and thats legally binding right. Help me out here Caroline, you're in law school. Its just unnecessary paperwork. Then she just called me again and asked me to call an insurance company back because what they told me didn't make sense. Well, so what. Its their rule, doesn't have to make sense to you. You've got her damn name, (which she thinks is going to help if for some reason what they say isnt right) and thats not enough for her. I just told her, well I asked her that specifically...and she said, well, I'll figure out what I need to do then. I'm like good...cause I don't care. I called em once, asked what you wanted, and thats what they said. Too bad if its not what you wanted to hear. Not to mention the fact, that I don't know why we have to call the insurance companies before the person ever comes anyways. I've been in therapy before...and I never had to give them my insurance before I got there. Ugh, ridiculous!
People had better be careful today what they say to me, cause I'm likely to be bitchy! Maybe my mom should come in and work for me today. Yeah, wouldn't that be nice?

Oh, and I lost 1.4 this week...you'll have to wait for another day for me to be excited about that.

Goodness...

Ok, so I had written a post last night while I was in class (I know, I know, tsk tsk) but first I have to add this. I hit a deer last night. Yup, scared the ever living crap out of me. Its weird because I was driving home from class, and the road I take is relatively new and surrounded by woods and pretty dark. I had a feeling I should be watching for deer, more than I normally would. I had my brights on and was looking really closely on both sides. Well, then I turn onto the street right behind my neighborhood where there really are no lights, I hit the back button on my CD player and theres a deer just right there. I hit it before I even knew it was there. I can still see it perfectly. So, I screamed and freaked a little, and turned my car around to see the damage. I saw something on the ground, and thought crap, its hurt. Then when I got closer and put my lights on it...it was flopping around and its so sad, I can still see it flopping. Then it just stopped moving. I called my parents and of course freaked my mom out since I was crying. Then I sat in the car crying, screaming, "I killed it, I killed it." Then, when my parents pulled up and I got out of the car, she sat her head up. She just stared at us for awhile, so we called the cops to let them know it was still in the road, and while my dad was on the phone, she just jumped up and ran away. Of course, we still had to wait for the cops, and they went looking for it. Not sure what they were gonna do, but anyways. Good thing I wasn't going very fast, my car has a little bit of paint rubbed off that we assume is from the hit (I don't remember scratching anyone's car) but other than that, no damage. My back was killing me last night, but it could have just been tension. Anyways, heres the original post.

I've been very busy lately, so I haven't had much time to post. I actually wrote this in class - yell at me if you want. This class I go to once a week is so easy compared to the online class. Its intro to business and its really straightforward, not to mention that I've had several classes like it before. So, don't get too mad at me. My other class feels like it has a constant and ever growing list of things to do. Right now, I have the MS Project exercise for the week to do, a small online quiz. I have made some posts for one of the topics. (I'm required to at least post 3 different days on both topics.) I answered 2 or 3 questions on one subject and then every day she asks at least 3 more questions on each topic. And of course, the 30 other people in the class are posting, so you can imagine how many posts there are. I was just checking some of the new questions she added and she has 2 more things we have to read separately before we can post on them. I still have one more chapter to read for the week, which takes me longer since I have to write things down as I read or else I forget what I just read. UGH...its a good thing this business class is easier. Also, good thing I'm not working full time, I don't know how I would survive the stress. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm completely lazy and love to sleep. The good news is that I got all my points for the class last week!! I actually jumped up and down when I saw that! So, at least I have an A for awhile!

I also lost 1.2 this week. I was kinda worried at WI since I had eaten at Olive Garden the night before and it was fantastic and I couldn't stop eating. I was telling my mom that I'm such a perfectionist. When I standing there on the scale, I was afraid I might gain, almost expecting it. Then, when she told me I lost, I thought, phew, at least I didn't gain. Then a second later I think I should have lost more. I have such high standards for myself yet I always expect to not meet them...no wonder I have issues!!

Ugh, stress!

Ok, so I know its been awhile. I'm surprised I haven't been yelled at yet. So...let me catch up. First off, we had Christmas #1 on New Year's Eve. We had dinner at the house with Mat and Melanie, then watched the Clemson game. Of course, it dragged on and on, and all I wanted to do was open presents. I was worried it was going to go into the new year. But, it didn't and we opened presents and I was extremely happy. I didn't really ask for anything this year, but yet I ended up with pretty much everything I wanted. Weird. I got the usual stocking stuff, some cd's (so far I have only listened to Blake Lewis, and I like it a lot). I got a Nintendo DS, with PicCross and Brain Age to play on it. Mat has this system (of course) and I wouldn't let him play it much while we were in DisneyWorld. PicCross is a very addicting game, and I was really hoping I would get it for Xmas. I have pretty much played it nonstop since. I also got the newest CSI computer game, the first season of Grey's on DVD, more ram for my computer (yay!!) and several puzzles. One of the puzzles in the Sistine Chapel and it 3000 pieces. The most I have ever done is 2000 and it took me awhile. I'm excited to start it, but I don't have much time right now.

Then we went to Ohio for Christmas #2. I got another cd and another game for my DS. It was really fun watching Ty open presents. He would open one and be really excited about it, then throw it to the side and open the next one. Then when he was done with his presents, he started opening Danny, Sara and Katie's presents. Some presents got opened without the person actually watching. He was most excited about his Overdrive (its a Power Rangers thing) and his Train Set with a remote control like Grandpa's. We had to put that together right away. Poor grandpa didn't open his present for awhile later, due to construction of the train set. We also had to watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl several times - its got to be the weirdest movie ever for children. Its just weird, thats all I can say.


Katie is most definitely the cutest baby ever (and I know I said that about Ty, but I mean it this time). She is so happy and laughs and smiles a lot. We had fun playing peekaboo with her. I really just wanted to take her home with me. Sara had it right when she said she's addictive - you just want to hold her all the time.

However, we had to come home, without Katie :(. And, I started class yesterday. I have an Intro to Business class at the center, which is as interesting as it sounds. But, I did a really good job of taking notes and paying attention. I sat in the front, so I wouldn't be tempted to not pay attention. I think that will have to be my seat for the year. Unfortunately, there are two papers for this class and one is a group project. That I am not looking forward to, but oh well, what can you do? I also have an online class in Project Management that feels like I have to be doing something constantly. I have to post threads for discussions for both topics 3 different days during the week. Meaning, I have to go on at least every other day and read all the posts (which all say the same basic thing - I mean there's only so many different things that 20-30 people can come up with) then post something unique myself. And, the 6 posts per week is just the minimum, she really wants more. Also on top of that, I have a lab and assignment to do. The good thing about this class is there really isn't a major project due, and only one test at the end of the 8 weeks. My business class has a midterm and final, then 2 papers, and I think 2 quizzes a week, with discussion online and in class. Ugh...I'm definitely worried about getting it all done. I don't want to get behind, so I just keep checking it all the time. I'm surprised I haven't had one of those dreams yet, where you realize you were supposed to be in class all semester and you didn't go to any classes, and now you're there for the final and have no idea what to do!! Ugh...stress...I can feel it in my shoulders already.

On the weight front, I maintained this week - which I am actually really happy about. I had Christmas, New Year's Eve and out of town Christmas all in the same week. I didn't eat bad, but I wasn't as strict as I could've been. So, I'm ok with maintaining, I just have to get back on the stick.